so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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