I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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