Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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