I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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