when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
