I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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