3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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