But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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