Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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