the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wear drunk well.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
