I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
