Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
