It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
