yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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