pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
