I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
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Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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