You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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