RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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