She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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