My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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