I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
