The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
