the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
