Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
