Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
