so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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