Need sex. Gaining weight.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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