I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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