i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
