no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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