Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
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Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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