How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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