that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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