I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
