so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
