he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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