I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
