sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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