I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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