All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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