hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
