Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
