Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
