Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
