The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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