so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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