I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Fuck appropriateness.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
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There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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