Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
soo... how was my night?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
