hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think your dad took our porno
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
