he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
