I'm so fucking centered right now
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
