She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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