I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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