so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
