Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
