If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
