I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
