hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
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His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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