..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
