i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
